So I guess a good place to start would be how I ended up back in the land of the dating at the age of 33 in the fist place. I was in a 9 year relationship with someone I’d known my whole life basically. He was my best friend and half of me. I always used to joke that I was glad I wasn’t single because I didn’t know how I could possibly date in the world we live in today. I used to say that I was terrible at being single and dating when I was younger because I was always so obsessive, clingy and just plain dumb.
Now don’t get me wrong.. I wasn’t in some fairy tale bubble happy land.. We had our problems.. a fair share of them at that but we loved each other and thought we’d be together forever though we never did even get engaged in 9 years and never made large purchases together so that it would be easier if we ever parted ways… soooo.. Anyways, due to a couple unfortunately (and inebriated) decisions on his part, the relationship ended after almost 9 yrs together. So I moved out of our home and into a condo and that’s when I woke up.
I hadn’t realized how much I’d adjusted myself, my life, my goals, my level of what I accepted and what I expected based on my life with him. I had been petrified of moving back out on my own after living with him for 5 yrs with no breaks. I had recently (a month before the break up) quit my job to explore other options.. and here I found myself unemployed and suddenly without my home and the family (his) that I knew. But then that first night alone in my new condo (new years eve ironically enough) I found myself visibly relaxing like all the tension and fears, and eggshells I’d been walking on all those years were suddenly melting off. Again.. let’s not get carried away and think this was all sunshine and lollipops as there was also many tears, many bad nights, a lot of weight loss (stress..but yay!), and a huge sense of loss for the life I had, my sense of self, my best friend, having a stable job and income and the home I’d built (literally) and designed.
My first instinct though was that he had set me free. I felt like now I could finally choose to find the man who would actually fit me and the lifestyle I’d always wanted.. Someone active, healthy , not a drinker, took care of himself and his appearance/ body, someone who’d rather be out hiking than sitting on the couch eating wings, drinking beer and watching the hockey game. Someone who would push me to try new things and be more active rather than someone who I felt guilty if I decided to hit the gym rather than hang out on the couch with him. My ex (the 9 yr one who for simplicity purposes I will here on in refer to as Ethan) was/is an AMAZING person with incredible attributes and I love him to pieces.. he really was never right for me though and vice versa, but we kept trying and failing to make things work because we loved each other so much,
So anyways, I pretty much decided right after we broke up before even moving out that I needed to start my search for my future “perfect fit” soul mate. Because I was absolutely sure he was waiting somewhere for me to find him.
Girl Brain and other side effects of online dating 